Something is wrong with people´s hearts... What could it be?

por Rosana Braga em STUM WORLD
Atualizado em 24/09/2004 17:30:20

Translated by Luciana Soares
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It's amazing how people are confused, lost and without knowing how to act when the subject is love, relationship, faithfulness, male and female behavior, in short, when the subject has to do with the heart...

I receive many, many messages from women and (believe it!!!) from men who feel disappointed, showing their huge will to give up looking for someone interesting, because they are tired of doing and not finding. Or, worse, they are tired of disagreements, empty, shallow, masked relationships, full of problems and disaffection...
It seems that there's something very serious happening. However, I believe that we reached this point, where men and women feel constantly unhappy, looking for ways (each one knows how to do it best) to make up for his/her needs and even the angry for not being able to be happy in their relationships, because there is a previous reason, something to be observed that comes before all this mess...
The female "section" tries to defend herself claiming that men betray more frequently than they do. Thus, they declare war against the "scoundrels"... The male "section" insists in saying that women are not trust worthy, they are self-interested, demand too much or are bad-tempered...
In short, it seems that there is a general mess, that destroys dreams, wishes, love, good intentions and meeting possibilities that would make us grow and lead to the so desired evolution. That's it: it seems that the relationships are no longer holy, not in the sense of being perfect, but when it refers to something we can invest more, submit more, give, learn and grow more...
And the most intriguing is that both - men and women - look exactly for the same thing, though they believe they don't, though they have the impression that they've become fighters who defend opposite ideas, completely different objectives.

Therefore, the question is: although we desire the same happiness, the same relationship, the same satisfaction, why everything we've got is deception and disillusion?!? How can we have valid and longer meetings? How can we establish more trust and availability between the sexes and their differences?
Yes, because each one has a way of loving, of submitting oneself, of understanding love and its "parameters" of contact.

I know it's hard to understand the male behavior from the female perspective... and vice-versa. But, truly, I think that the differences should be received in a more lovely way and be much less judged and criticized.
In spite of wasting all our energy and our time justifying our dissatisfaction with the behavior of the opposite sex, what about looking more to ourselves and simply doing our part?
What am I talking about? Simple! I'm suggesting you to show exactly what you want, to act according to your objectives, to leave in the wardrobe your masks, your games, your wish to look independent, self-sufficient, completely free to be happy without the other. To have self-esteem is fundamental, but when we lift a flag like "I'm happy alone and I don't need you"! We end up scaring and distancing people from us.
However, all these feelings - loneliness, sadness, anger, wish for relationships, wish of sharing secrets, joys, the blanket and even the problems - are disguised by false smiles that pack dancing clubs, bars, parties, movies and other places you can image... In other words, the language is not clear, the wishes and the needs are disguised... and we forget that people can only see what we show... Then, everything one sees in the other is a huge mistake! And the meetings become mistakes... and love, unfortunately, has become the biggest among all...
I suggest you to expose yourself more, to have more courage to be who you are, with your fears, your wishes, and your will of loving and being loved. I suggest you to be more coherent with yourself, to show your feelings and assume yourself, even knowing that this is not, in principle, the guarantee to find the love of your life next weekend.

Believe in the rhythm of life and do your part, without wearing this costume of independent and self-sufficient woman or of the tough virile man who makes a lot of conquests. Don't say that love is gone! We've never been so in need, wishing so much a simple stroke, a lengthier look, a loving word, a sincere hug...
Assume yourself and be happier!

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Rosana Braga é Especialista em Relacionamento e Autoestima, Autora de 9 livros sobre o tema. Psicóloga e Coach. Busca através de seus artigos, ajudar pessoas a se sentirem verdadeiramente mais seguras e atraentes, além de mostrar que é possível viver relacionamentos maduros, saudáveis e prazerosos.
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