In a first moment, we tend to answer: "of course nothing”!!!
Are you sure?
It's amazing how need has turned into an epidemic. We live in a world where everything we do induces us to "having" more and more. A new cell phone, shoes of a different color, a new jacket, a trip paid in small installments... Meanwhile, we feel more and more empty. Our internal voice makes an echo that actually hurts; and everything that would really make us feel better would be a bit of affection only.
The need is so big; the sensation of loneliness is so strong that we agree to pay for company, for a remote possibility of getting some affection. I know, you'll say: no way, I never went out with a call girl or boy; I would never pay for affection.
That's right, but I'm not talking about money. It's not about this currency. I'm talking about the choices we make, indiscriminately, when searching for affection. Easy and swift sexual intercourse, the uncontrolled liberation of intimacy, the bed that in the relationships comes much before the introduction of the hearts... the quickness we make out with someone, we kiss somebody on the lips, we touch our excitation zones - all these things show exactly how much we pay.
Or, on the contrary of all these, the bitterness and the bad mood that takes control of those who don't do nothing like that, those who close themselves like oysters, criticizing and defaming the people who give themselves, the people who have sex, who look for affection at any price... In short, in a way or another, they are paying for the affection they don't give and for the affection that, many times, they don't let themselves receive.
In other words, if sex were really so good, powerful and enough as they promise, we would be satisfied with women's magazines, hot scenes on the soaps or on the erotic sites, wouldn't we? But we are not, definitely not!
Do you know why? Because there is a lack of content in these attitudes, these meetings. It's not about judging values; it's not about hypocrite shame. It's about establishing the truth, indeed! Much more than multiple orgasms, we urgently need a caress, a hug that makes the hearts touch one another, hands stroking our face, a encounter of bodies that wish, above all, to make the other feel alive, loved.
Touching the other is to wake up your cells, is to revive your pores, is to offer courage, hope, some humanity, so scarce in our relationships.
Maybe you are thinking: but I don't have anyone willing to do this with me, to give me this present. That's right. This is the most deceiving and catastrophic mathematics we live with. Who said you need to have someone to do this for you?!?
No! You don't need, believe it! The world is fed up with people waiting for solutions! We need those people who are willing to be the solution! So, if you want to change your life in a loving meeting, turn into the love itself, the affection, the caress. Become the difference in people's life, as many people as you can.
From now on, instead of going out saying you want to kiss a loooot, concentrate on your capacity of giving affection and receive a surprise with the result. I got today (certainly for synchronicity of the Universe) a text from a reader of mine about “cuddle parties”, the new craze in New York. People more that 30, pay up to 30 dollars to join a party where the guests hug and touch themselves without sexual intentions (by the way, sex if forbidden in this kind of party). My God, it's an horrible thing not having someone at your side, someone you can touch, hold with tenderness.
You know, we are afraid of giving affection and being rejected, touching the other and being called "sticky". And I'm not talking about touching strangers, no... I'm talking about touching friends, relatives, father, mother, brother, wife, and boyfriend. I'm talking about affection with those who, theoretically, are the closest to us, those we write their names down on our appointment books to be called in case of an accident.
From now on I suggest you to start to become a more affectionate person, in the way you speak, listen, come and leave... Stroke someone you like. You'll feel a bit strange, maybe the other person will even feel the heart beating faster and faster and you'll think, "what do I do now, what do I say, what's going on"? But don't give up! Give affection, more and more... and join the club of the satisfied ones, reducing the number of people contaminated with need. Offer affection for free and you'll start to pay less and less for it!
Rosana Braga is a journalist, writer, coordinator of publishing projects and human behavior consultant.
Rosana Braga é Especialista em Relacionamento e Autoestima, Autora de 9 livros sobre o tema. Psicóloga e Coach. Busca através de seus artigos, ajudar pessoas a se sentirem verdadeiramente mais seguras e atraentes, além de mostrar que é possível viver relacionamentos maduros, saudáveis e prazerosos.
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